The Monster Diaries

Monday 8th July

It is Youngest Child’s leavers production of The Jungle Book on Tuesday and Wednesday night and I was a little annoyed that by Monday afternoon the school still hadn’t informed us as to what time we needed to deposit the children back to them ready for the performances. I sent off a curt but polite email and received a reply to say they needed to be there at 6.40pm if they didn’t need make up doing. It then dawned on me that I still hadn’t received my ticket for Wednesday night’s performance but it was also highly likely that it had been given to Youngest Child which means it is probably stuffed in the back of her tray in the classroom. After school I enquired as to the whereabouts of the ticket and she informed me that she had been given it one day last week and she had no idea where it was and it wasn’t her fault she didn’t know where it was. Eventually she conceded that it may be in her black handbag which was on her bedroom floor. When we got home, I told her to go and find it before Middle Child said that she had found the ticket on Saturday on the bedroom floor (where Youngest Child had, apparently, tipped the contents of her handbag) and she had placed it on Youngest Child’s desk but it had now disappeared. I was not happy and suggested they start looking for it because that ticket had cost me £13. The ticket was nowhere to be found and to be fair to the two of them, they even rummaged through the wheelie bin in case it had been thrown away. I double checked the wheelie bin and while in the middle of pawing through all sorts of trash the next-door neighbour came out of her house. I rolled my eyes at her and muttered “bloody kids”, to which she responded by informing me that she could no longer deal with her two, who are only four and five. I refrained from telling her that it gets worse once they get to tweens and teens and instead told her that there may be a double murder tonight in our house but I am sure she will be able to hear it all and then we wished each other luck, before parting ways.

My two cherubs seemed to think that they were off to play in the garden, until I informed them that they weren’t going anywhere until the missing ticket turned up. All hell broke loose then with Middle Child saying it wasn’t fair as she had put it on the desk and Youngest Child generally just screaming about how unfair her whole life is and how nothing is ever her fault and “it doesn’t matter anyway because I am only in the ensemble I don’t even have a part!”

I suppose the £13 I have wasted doesn’t matter then? Having now had enough and wanting to avoid the double homicide, especially as I had already confessed to the neighbour, I declared that they were not allowed out of their bedroom until the ticket was found, however long that took. Surprisingly within three minutes the ticket had been found, screwed up on the floor, under the desk. FFS!

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